


Steve Rogers and the Discovery of Harry Potter

by Tennyson



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Also Bucky, Alternate Hogwarts House Sorting, Gen, International Fanworks Day 2016, Steve the Potterhead, actually all the Avengers are Potterheads, lots of fangirling all around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-05-20 15:14:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6013516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tennyson/pseuds/Tennyson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Bucky discover the Harry Potter series, and the Avengers all get really excited for Fantastic Beasts. Kind of a drabble. For the International Fanworks day prompt: "What does your favorite character—or your favorite pairing—get fannish over?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Hey, Natasha,” Steve inquired one day, “what are you reading?”

“Oh, this?” She waved the book, then tossed it to him. “Harry Potter. I read them when they came out, but I liked the last one, so I thought I’d re-read it.”

“Harry Potter?” He sat down on the sofa next to her and turned the book over in his hands. “Well, he’s certainly got some weird clothes on. What is it, a bathrobe?”

“They’re wizarding robes, Steve. He’s a wizard. Magic and all that.”

“Magic?” asked Steve dubiously. “Didn’t think you’d be into magic books.”

“It’s not really about magic, it’s about…well. Give me a second. It might be easier for you to read it than for me to explain it.”

She came down a few minutes later with a battered paperback in her hand. He took it from her.

“Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone,” read Steve. He raised an eyebrow at Natasha.

“Look, just read it. I know it’s technically for kids, but the series is actually really good. Anyway, you should probably know about this series anyway. Harry Potter has been huge in the past decade or so. I’m surprised you haven’t heard of it before. Consider it part of your cultural re-integration program.”

He walked out of the room, still looking skeptical. Natasha grinned. "Let me know how you like the first few chapters." ...except he didn't. Natasha didn't see him in the training room, the living room, not even the kitchen. Finally, when it came time for dinner, he came downstairs. Throughout dinner, he barely spoke; all he did was stare off into the distance and shovel food into his mouth. He approached Natasha afterwards, while she loaded the dishwasher. “Ok, Natasha," he began sheepishly, "so maybe these books aren’t that bad, after all. How many books did you say there were?”

She smirked triumphantly. “Seven. I have them all. I’ll bring them over to your room in a little while.”

And, true to her word, she did—all six of the remaining books. He read them all in a week and a half, taking breaks only to eat and take an occasional nap. Once he was done with them, he made Bucky read them all, too. Bucky somehow finished them in a week (probably because he didn’t bother sleeping), and the two of them could talk about nothing else. 

One day during dinner, they were debating whether or not they shipped Ron and Hermoine.

“Well, Buck, I feel like their weird passive aggressive behavior towards each other—”

“It’s called being in _love_ , Steve!”

“—would cause problems later in their lives. I liked Viktor Krum.”

“Viktor Krum?” repeated Bucky incredulously.

“Actually,” Bruce cut in, “J.K. Rowling did mention that she regretted pairing Hermoine and Ron. I think she said it in an interview recently.”

“See?” exclaimed Steve.

“Whatever.”

Pepper Potts sighed. “I’m with you on this one, Bucky. I loved Ron and Hermoine as a couple! I felt like it was building throughout the whole series. Plus, I thought Rupert and Emma had some great chemistry in the movies. I saw an interview where…” Here she trailed off, because Bucky and Steve were staring at her with eyes big as saucers.

“Movies?” whispered Bucky. Then again, louder, “ _Movies_?”

“Yup,” responded Clint. “Eight of ‘em.” He thought for a minute. “They’re probably on Netflix.”

 Steve and Bucky looked at each other, then grabbed their plates and sprinted into the living room.

“Hey! Hey!” shouted Tony. “Don’t get any marinara sauce on my sofa!”

But it wasn’t clear whether or not they’d heard the warning, for Hedwig’s Theme had already drowned it out.


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky and Steve attempted to get Tony to agree to fly them all over to London for Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, but Tony said he wasn’t allowed in England anymore. He didn’t want to talk about it. “And anyway,” he said, “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is coming out soon. We can all go watch it together.”

  
That night, at dinner, Bucky and Steve decided to discuss with the gang what they would all be wearing to the midnight premiere.

“Guys,” chuckled Natasha, “it’s not coming out for a few months yet. We can figure out our outfits then.”

“Yeah,” added Clint, “this isn’t The Hobbit. Your outfits for the last Hobbit movie were pretty amazing, but a Harry Potter cosplay requires so much less work than a dwarf one does. We’ll just buy some robes the week before the premiere and go in those.”

“No,” said Bucky. “Our costumes have to be amazing. The dwarf costumes took close to a year to make. I’d say six months is fair for a Harry Potter costume. First, though, we have to figure out who’s who.”

“What do you mean?” asked Steve.

“I mean, who is going to dress up as which character? I call Harry. I’m pale, dark-haired, and not that tall. Steve can be Ron.”

“Well,” announced Tony, “if anyone’s Harry Potter, it’s me. Black-haired, noble, handsome. The Chosen One.”

“And also short,” added Pepper.

“Well,” remarked Thor (who, by this point, had been brought up to speed by Jane and Darcy, both avid Harry Potter fans), “that would make sense. You would make a proper Ginny Weasley, Miss Potts.”

“What about Natasha?” inquired Bucky. “She’s a ginger, too.”

“No, no, Buck, what are you thinking? It’s not just the look. Nat is obviously Hermoine. Intelligent, brave, free-spirited.”

Natasha smiled at this. “Well, Hermoine is my favorite character, so I won’t complain if I go as her.”

“But then what about Luna? We can’t go without a Luna!” exclaimed Sam.

They all looked at each other. “I volunteer Legolas here,” said Tony, pounding Clint’s arm.

“Hey!” Clint rubbed his arm. “I would rather not be a girl, thank you very much.”

“You know,” said Thor, “I think Darcy would make an excellent Luna, if you would like her to come with us.”

“Yeah, but who will you go as, Thor? I don’t remember any blond, muscly types in the series,” commented Bucky.

“Lockhart?” suggested Natasha.

“Well, we’ll need a Draco Malfoy,” mused Pepper.

“Thor’s too tan and cut to be Draco. Honestly, I think Rock of Ages would be the best for that role. Is your brother out of prison yet, Thor?”

Thor’s face hardened. “No, he is not. He will not be for quite some time.”

There was an awkward silence, broken by Clint. “Who am I, then? Neville?”

“I think I’m Neville,” decided Bruce. “Neville’s the Herbology professor now, isn’t he? We’ve both got green thumbs, then, don’t we?” He grinned at his joke, while Tony threw a couple of blueberries at him.

“Who am I?” asked Sam.

“Dean Thomas,” replied Clint instantly.

“Woah. Because I’m black? You just automatically give me the one black character because we’re both the same race? That’s messed up, dude.”

“No!” exclaimed Clint. “I said Dean because…you know, he’s good with the ladies and all. Dated Ginny Weasley for a while, didn’t he?”

“Well, I’ve never dated Pepper. Maybe Tony should be Dean.”

“Hey!” warned Tony. “I’ve already called dibs on Harry.”

“Actually,” said Bucky with a quiet menace, “I called dibs on Harry before you did.”

“You know, guys,” reminded Clint, “we still don’t know who I am.”

“Clint, don’t—”

“You’re Harry? You look nothing like Harry!”

“Oh, and I suppose you do?”

“Well, at least I’m pale like Harry is—”

“Wait.”

Everyone turned to Steve expectantly, realizing only when he spoke that he had thus far kept silent during the entire debate.

“I don’t think we should all go as characters,” Steve explained. “I think we should all go as people in our respective Hogwarts houses. It’ll be more fun, and less…stressful.”

Everybody thought about this for a moment, and then they started to nod.

“That’s a great idea, Steve,” said Tony, “but first, we need to sort everyone.”


	3. In Which the Sorting Commences

The dinner plates had all been cleared away (i.e., dumped in the sink, still caked with leftover food), and everybody sat around the table with a bowl of ice cream in front of them.

Tony and Bruce were huddled around a tablet, formulating a Sorting Hat algorithm. After a few minutes, they looked up, Tony grinning from ear to ear. “Done!” he announced. “Who wants to go first?”

Nobody said anything. “Fine,” said Tony, not missing a beat, “I’ll do the honors. Doctor Banner, if you will.”

Bruce handed him the tablet.

“So,” explained Tony, “this is not one of those dinky little personality quizzes. This is science! You simply enter your name in the box below, and the algorithm processes your likes, dislikes, personal dreams, failures, whatever, from stuff like your social media accounts, SHIELD data, and weird personal observations about you on file in my systems.”

Steve opened his mouth to say something to that last part, but Tony spoke first. “You have to give it a couple of minutes. It’s a lot of data to process.”

They waited, and then there was a soft chirp from the tablet to indicate it was done. “Alright, guys, drumroll please,” said Tony.

They sat and looked at him expectantly. “No, I didn’t mean that rhetorically. Somebody actually give me a drumroll,” Tony demanded.

Clint and Sam pounded their palms on the table in the closest approximation they could deliver. Mollified, Tony tapped the screen and twirled it around to face the audience. The house crest and name filled the screen, as JARVIS said, “Anthony Edward Stark is a Hufflepuff.”

“What?” he cried in disbelief. He turned the screen back to him, and sure enough, a badger was staring back at him. “It must not have processed correctly. Let’s try it again.”

“Or maybe you’re a Hufflepuff,” smirked Natasha.

“Honestly, I think you probably could have fit any house but Hufflepuff,” said Clint. “Gryffindor, since you’re reckless. Ravenclaw, since you’re a genius. Slytherin, since you’re ambitious and kind of a jerk. But Hufflepuff?”

Tony held up a finger for silence. Again, there was a slight ding. JARVIS announced, once more, “Anthony Edward Stark is a Hufflepuff.”

“I don’t understand! How am I a Hufflepuff?”

“I think it may be because of the extensive recordings online of your philanthropy, sir,” remarked JARVIS helpfully.

“Philanthropy doesn’t make you humble or kind, though, Tony. You’re not a Hufflepuff,” decided Steve.

“Of course I’m not a Hufflepuff. How would somebody as amazing as me fit in with the little people of Hufflepuff?”

“Hey,” said Bruce, “don’t bash Hufflepuff. Jo herself said Hufflepuffs are the best.”

Tony was stabbing furiously at the tablet. “There’s obviously something wrong with the algorithm.”

“Tony,” offered Pepper gently, “why don’t we stop with the algorithm and just talk about it together?”

“That’s a good idea, Pepper,” agreed Steve.

“Sure,” said Natasha.

“Sounds good to me,” said Clint.

“Fine,” huffed Tony, tossing the tablet to the ground.

“Let’s start with the easiest one,” said Bucky. “Steve is obviously a Gryffindor.”

“Well, I think he could fit in with the Hufflepuffs, too, Bucky,” said Natasha.

“What?” asked Bucky in disbelief. “Natasha, don’t be crazy. JARVIS, what are the qualities of a Gryffindor?”

JARVIS replied, “According to the Harry Potter Wiki, Gryffindors are known for their bravery, nerve, chivalry, courage, and daring. “

“Each and every one of those words describes Steve,” confirmed Bucky. “Not to mention the other things Gryffindors usually are—reckless and mildly idiotic.”

“Oh, don’t forget noble and nauseatingly self-righteous,” added Tony.

Steve ignored him. “Well, by your definition, Bucky, you’re a Gryffindor, too.”

“Bucky is definitely a Gryffindor,” agreed Clint.

“Steve, Gryffindor. Bucky, Gryffindor,” mumbled Bucky as he scrawled the assignments on his metal arm with a black marker.

“Let’s see,” said Sam. “I think Pepper is probably a Gryffindor, too.”

“No way,” scoffed Natasha. “Pepper is a Hufflepuff through and through.”

“Why do you keep throwing everyone in Hufflepuff?” demanded Tony.

“Because they would fit in Hufflepuff. JARVIS, Hufflepuff traits, please.”

“According to the Harry Potter Wiki, Hufflepuffs are distinguished by their dedication, hard work, fair play, tolerance, and loyalty. They are also unafraid of toil.”

“Thank you, Mr. JARVIS. See? Is Pepper chivalrous and daring? Or is she hard-working and dedicated? Judging by the fact that she still hasn’t left Tony, I’d say the latter.”

“Well, I’d say she’s pretty daring for staying with him,” quipped Clint.

Clint and Natasha high-fived each other. “Yeah, yeah, very funny,” grumbled Tony.

“Well, Tony, I kinda like being a Hufflepuff, personally,” said Pepper.

“Whatever.”

“Well,” remarked Bruce. “I have to say, I see where you were going with this earlier, Natasha. Judging by the information JARVIS just gave us, I think Steve here may be a Hufflepuff.”

“Thank you, Doc,” said Natasha with a smile.

“I’m not convinced,” argued Tony.

“Let’s ask Bucky,” said Sam. “He probably knows Steve better than Steve himself does.”

“Alright.” Natasha turned to Bucky. “What do you think? Bravery, chivalry, daring? Or hard work, fair play, and loyalty?”

Bucky thought for a moment. He wanted to stay with his earlier assessment, but as Natasha asked him the question, he saw, suddenly, in his mind’s eye, a scrawny little kid challenging bullies three times his size in the playground, refusing to cheat on a math test even though he knew he might fail it, delivering newspapers in the snow to scrounge up enough money to buy his mom’s medicine. He saw a bloodied and bruised man on the floor of a helicarrier falling apart around them, reminding him who he was.

“No,” Bucky said, his voice hoarser than he would’ve liked. “You’re right. He’s a Hufflepuff.”

There were cheers and groans all around him. Nobody else noticed the change in Bucky’s demeanor, but Steve did. He always did. He shot Bucky a concerned look, and Bucky gave him a small, reassuring smile.


	4. In Which the Sorting Happens

“….but if it makes you feel better, Tony,” Natasha was saying, “I think he’d probably be a hat stall between the two.”

“You know who else would be a hat stall?” asked Clint.

“Who?” asked Natasha.

“You.”

“Me? Between which houses?”

“Ravenclaw and Slytherin,” replied Clint.

“I think she’s got some Gryffindor in her,” said Steve.

Everyone looked at him like he was crazy. “Gryffindor?” asked Bucky incredulously.

“Yeah,” said Steve. “She’s brave, a little bit reckless. Loyal.”

“She’s loyal to you, Capsicle,” said Tony. “She’d risk her life for you, but if it were me in trouble, she’d probably just laugh.”

“Well,” remarked Sam, “it is pretty funny watching your suits malfunction on you.”

“Hold on,” said Tony. “Why is everyone ganging up on me today?”

“You know, Natasha,” said Pepper in an attempt to change the subject, “I think I’d have to go with Slytherin. You’re smart enough for Ravenclaw, but that’s all Ravenclaws care about, being the smartest in the room. Slytherins, though? They’re sharp, they’re clever, they know where they’re going.”

“I think I might agree with you there, Pepper,” said Natasha. “Although Steve might not.”

“I just don’t think you’re a Slytherin,” he repeated.

“You know, Steve,” said Bruce. “Just because she’s a Slytherin doesn’t mean she’s a bad person. Slytherins aren’t all bad. They’re just less ideal-driven. They’re more practical, a little bit cutthroat.”

“And, actually, Steve, since you mentioned loyalty, that is actually considered a Slytherin trait,” clarified Pepper. She looked up from her phone. “Fraternity, actually, is what is says, but it amounts to nearly the same thing.”

“Natasha’s a Slytherin,” confirmed Bucky as he wrote it on his arm. “Who’s next? Sam?”

“Oh, that’s an easy one,” said Steve. “Gryffindor.”

The rest of the group nodded as Sam grinned.

“OK,” said Clint. “What am I?”

“Hufflepuff,” said Tony at once.

“Tony, he’s not a Hufflepuff,” scoffed Natasha.

“Hey, you’re the one who’s been sorting everyone into Hufflepuff. I thought you would agree with me.”

“I’ve only been sorting people who fit the house into Hufflepuff,” she corrected him. “Clint is not a Hufflepuff.”

“Well,” said Steve slowly, “considering what we just discussed, I guess Clint is a Slytherin, too. A good Slytherin,” he added hastily.

Clint nodded. “I like it.”

Bucky noted the sorting, then said, “OK, who’s next?”

“Me, I guess,” said Bruce with a soft chuckle.

Natasha squinted a little, then opened her mouth. But before she could say anything, Tony cut in, “Let me guess, you’re going to say Hufflepuff.”

She smirked. “So we’re all in agreement.”

“Agreement?” scoffed Tony. “I don’t think so. Honestly, Natasha, I can’t believe you’d group Bruce in with those losers. He’s obviously a Ravenclaw.”

“Actually, Tony,” replied Bruce with a grin, “I don’t think I mind being a Hufflepuff. And you know,” he continued, more serious this time, “I think there was a time when I would have been a Ravenclaw. I was younger and more foolish then, bent on pursuing knowledge as far as it could take me. And look where that got me. I prefer Hufflepuff. You know, caring about people, not just trying to find the next big break.” He paused for a moment, then continued, “I guess you could say I chose Hufflepuff myself, even if it’s not the house I deserve to be in.”

Natasha smiled gently. “The fact that I found you in the slums of Calcutta trying to save the sick and poor speaks volumes of what you deserve, Bruce.”

Bruce reddened a bit.

Bucky, in the meantime, wrote the newest assignment down. Looking up, he said, “Alright, I think that’s everyone.”

Tony cleared his throat.

Clint laughed. “Man, we forgot the most important guy, didn’t we?”

“Yes, and you better not say I’m a Hufflepuff,” retorted Tony.

Steve snorted. “I don’t think anyone was planning to.”

“Ravenclaw,” said Natasha in a bored voice.

“I was going to say Slytherin,” said Bucky.

“Really? He’s definitely a Gryffindor,” said Sam.

Tony held up his hands. “I’m so sorry, everyone, but, alas, there’s only one of me to go around. We’ll have to pick one.”

Pepper looked at Tony, and then said, “Other than smarts and creativity, aren’t Ravenclaws supposed to be the weird ones? You know, Luna and Uric the Oddball and stuff?”

The rest of the crew mulled over this for a moment, probably recalling Tony’s loud suits, odd pets, and habit of finding food in random nooks and crannies.

“Yup, Tony’s a Ravenclaw,” confirmed Clint. “Not only is he a genius, he’s insane.”

Tony preened. “Ravenclaw is what I would’ve gone with myself, honestly.” He leaned back to reach behind a nearby bookshelf and pulled out a bag of chips, which he then proffered to Bruce, who winced and shook his head. Tony shrugged. “More for me, then.”

They were clearing away the dessert plates and transferring the barely legible names and house designations from Bucky’s arm to a word document on Tony’s computer when suddenly they heard a hard drumming on the roof. Every head whipped around to look at Tony in panic, who put his hands up. “It wasn’t me. Haven’t you people ever heard of a little rain?”  
“This is a lot more than a little rain, Tony,” Steve said, frowning. “The weather forecast didn’t call for any rain…”

Then, just as suddenly it began, it ceased. The next thing they heard was a voice that bellowed, “Friends! I have returned from Asgard!”

“Great to have you back, Thor! How is everything there?” asked Steve.

“Everything is fine. Loki seems to be doing better. He consented to talking with me, which he has not done since his initial imprisonment.” Thor was beaming. “What have you all been down to?”

“Up to,” corrected Clint. “We were just sorting everyone into their Hogwarts houses.”

“What?” cried Thor. “Without me?”

“We’ll just add you to the list, Thor, and you can see everyone else’s house assignments later,” said Bucky.

“Well, what house do you think I’m in?”

Everyone looked at each other and grinned. “Gryffindor,” they all said unanimously.

“You even look like a lion,” said Sam. “It’s a no-brainer.”

“I am pleased,” said Thor. “Put me down for Gryffindor, please.” He strode into the kitchen, grinning from ear to ear, fading quickly when he saw the stack of dishes in the sink. “Have you already eaten supper?”

“Yeah, we did,” confirmed Tony.

“And…we kind of ate all of it,” added Bruce sheepishly.

“We weren’t expecting you to be coming back so soon,” explained Pepper. “I think there may be some other stuff in the fridge. Lasagna or something or other. I’ll heat it up for you.”

“No, no, Pepper. It is fine. I can do without supper. I ate several very hearty Asgardian meals while I was gone. But…have you had dessert?” He looked very hopeful.

“Yes,” said Tony firmly. “No ice cream for you. You cleaned out my freezer last time.”

“But it is so delicious, Tony. We have still not figured the knack of making it on Asgard. I just want a small amount, please.”

“No. Ugh. Thor, don’t make the puppy face. Even I can’t say no to that face. Fine. Fine. I’ll give it to you,” conceded Tony. “What flavor do you want?

“Do you jest? You are well aware of which I like best.”

Tony sighed. “Three scoops of coffee, coming right up.”

“And—”

“Yes, I know. With a pop tart crumbled all over it.”

Thor smiled. “Ah, I have missed Midgard.”


End file.
